DOG WHISTLE

'I SLEEP WITH NO CLOTHES ON'

SHE SNEERS ACROSS THE TABLE AND DOWNS HALF HER DRINK

GIVES ALL THE MEN IN THE ROOM A SEMI-MENTAL WINK

SHE'S THE ONE THAT NO MATTER WHAT, YOU SIMPLY CANNOT TRUST

THE ONE EVERYONE FAWNS OVER BUT YOU JUST DON'T SEE THE FUSS

SHE'S JUST A DOG WHISTLE, AND THAT'S THE KIND OF GIRL YOU SEE

THE KIND OF GIRL THAT'S APPARENTLY TO FOLK LIKE YOU AND ME

SHE'S THE KIND OF GIRL THAT'D USE YOUR RAZOR IF YOU LEFT IT IN THE SHOWER

AND THE KIND OF GIRL THAT'D FUCK YOUR BOYFRIEND IF YOU LEFT HIM FOR AN HOUR

SHE TELLS A HEARTBREAKING TALE ABOUT CATCHING HER BOYFRIEND WITH HER SISTER

AND BATS HER EYES AND ADMITS SHES ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A MISTER

AND JUST LIKE THAT, IT'S LIKE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO SAY

EXCEPT 'NEVER HAVE I EVER HAD A THREE-WAY'

AND INEVITABLY SHE DOWNS HER DRINK

AND ALL THE TABLE START TO THINK

HOW ON EARTH ITS POSSIBLY COME TO THIS

AS SHE STARTS TO LIST THE GIRLS SHE'S KISSED

AND THE BOYS SHE'S KISSED

AND THE MEN SHE'S KISSED

AND ALL THE PEOPLE SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE KISSED

THE GUYS WITH WIVES, OH CHRIST ALIVE, I HAVENT GOT THE TIME FOR THIS

THERE'S A HOLE WHERE HER SOUL SHOULD BE AND IT'S AN EMPTY VACUUMED SPACE

I THOUGHT I WAS A FEMINIST BUT SHE'S JUST A PRETTY FACE

AND I WOULDN'T LIKE TO THINK THAT I'M IN ANY WAY SLUT SHAMING

FOR THE WAY SHE IS ROUND OTHER GIRLS IS FAR FROM ENTERTAINING

SO IF YOU WANNA GET YOUR TITS OUT LOVE I COULDN'T POSSIBLY CARE LESS

ABOUT YOUR PERFECT SYMMETRY OR STATE OF MASS UNDRESS

FOR MONEY CAN'T BUY CLASS MY LOVE, AND RESPECT IT MUST BE EARNT

WHEREAS YOU HAVE AS MUCH INTEGRITY AS A PATCH OF FUCKING DIRT

LAURA